WHAT IF...

''Why are you still single? "

For few minutes I couldn't answer his question

I was lost!
Lost for words...

I wasn't expecting the question

I had to say something;

 "I haven't found the love of my life'

I was right but it was not the main reason.

I asked myself,

Why?

"Love of my life?"
Really?
Hmmm!

What do I mean by that?

I coudn't even say.
I didn't understand myself.

Love?
What is LOVE?

I always ask this question, I get different answers but I haven't experienced it.

But,

What if I see the love of my life I claimed looking for but couldn't recognize him?
What if the love of my life is someone I know
What if there is nothing like 'love of my life'
What if...


I was confused,
What could be the cause of my being single?

There are many reasons though,

It doesn't bother me at first but since he asked the question, I have been wondering.

I don't go out!
I'm always indoor!
The few friends I have,
I don't contact them.
This is a boring life mehn
I don't reply my chats.
I don't call people.
I rarely receive calls.
I can't even hold a conversation.
I limit my male friends(friends? are they even my friends? Honestly, I can't really say, these are people I met online even the ones I had when I was in school, service and at work I don't contact them)

I don't want this boring life.
I am about to change that.
I am seriously working on it.

"Don't expect any man knocking on the door asking you to date him"

My sister once told me.

I need to be out there.

Why am I like this?
I wasn't like this few years ago.
I was the outgoing, friendly and fun type.

I have not been in a serious relationship, the only one I had was not so to say.

He said he loved me.
I wanted to see how it works.
How it feels like being in a relationship.
I went into the relationship with him.
I never wanted sex.
He said he was "okay" with that.
So we started 'dating' we spent time together.

He couldn't wait, he needed me closer enough(sexual) but all I wanted was to have a male friend I could trust, somebody that would be there always and keep each other's company.
He started messing up. I heard from different sources that he's always with different girls because I couldn't give him the sex he wanted he got it from them anyways.
I was a bit disappointed I had to walk out of the relationship. Yes! I ended it for good.
Though, I like him but it wasn't love.
Since then all the guys I have been meeting attempts to touch me, they want a taste of it.

What if the problem is the sex?
What if there is no guy who is ready to stay loyal
What if I can't find the one that will agree with me
What if...

Maybe I am the mean one
Maybe I am selfish
Maybe I am...

No,

I can say I am strong
Strong enough to stay
Stay and wait
Wait and remain focused

I pray I meet the right one for me when the time comes.
May God help me.